Celibacy, sexuality and mental health

Celibacy, like marriage, is a choice of such magnitude that it necessarily affects. It seals a way of being and behaving: that of a committed person, unavailable to other suitors. Emotions, feelings, passions and all psychological processes, such as imagination, memory, remembrances and desires will participate in that experience.

The use of sexuality is a basic need, with positive psychological effects. One might think that not exercising it is detrimental. The experience of many people shows that this is not so. What is dangerous is to live without loving or being loved. Celibacy is compatible with the harmony of the psychic world, which it logically influences.

The influence is positive or negative. Christian celibacy supposes the renunciation of human love of an exclusive type in marriage. It entails doing without sexual activity and the associated pleasure, without ceasing to be fully female or male. This circumstance poses new challenges. The first of these is to be aware of the reasons why it is assumed. From the depths of the mind comes a question that cannot be silenced: why are you following this path? A positive influence depends on a true and coherent answer.

In order to respond well, celibacy must be recognized as a gift from God and not something imposed. A healthy choice is born of adequate information and right intention. This overcomes possible narcissistic motives, which seek to reaffirm the self: the desire for status, power, a more independent life, self-esteem for considering oneself better or more self-sacrificing; or the desire to be confirmed in the esteem of others: “my mother will be happy”, “what will those who know me say? It would also be a mistake to assume celibacy only as a burden: “I accept it because the Church demands it…, but I wish she didn’t demand it!

Celibacy allows a greater availability to serve God and many people. It is a sign that raises one’s gaze to eternal life and heaven, where “neither they nor they marry” (Lk 20:35). But it is not a question of having more time because one is free from family obligations, or of living in the clouds of an illusory paradise. It is primarily a matter of receiving a gift, which is to be placed at the service of others, and of imitating Jesus Christ, perfect God and perfect man, who chose this condition for himself. The three classic meanings of celibacy are always linked: apostolic or availability, witness to the faith or eschatological and, most importantly, Christological. Every human lifestyle draws its light from the life of Jesus Christ.

A priest asked a lady: “Why did you get married?” And she answered: “to be able to dress as a bride”. The first psychological characteristic to choose marriage or celibacy is a clear and congruent awareness of the motives. If what is sought is appearance or a mask, it is easy to have inconsistencies in the way of acting, which end up destroying psychological stability. The mechanisms creak, even if defenses of the self are attempted, such as the denial of what is embarrassing, or the sublimation or unconscious redirection of hidden impulses.

To live celibacy it is necessary to have an integrated sexuality. This means that the whole person, with its physiological substratum, its psychic dimension and its spiritual sphere, should experience sexuality in a serene and ordered way with oneself and with others. That the affective and relational world be respected, according to one’s biological sex. In other words, integrated sexuality is chastity.

With the strength of good habits, acquired with time and God’s grace, it is possible to live sexuality without egocentric escapades such as autoeroticism or pornography.

Seminarians and anyone who wishes to follow this lifestyle for love of God, need to be in good psychological health and be people of character: capable of imprinting a Christian stamp on what they do. They should be able to defend their choice with pride and want to live for others. That they know how to have fun in a healthy way and enjoy themselves.

They should not be tied to the immediacy of emotions, to the “I like it or I don’t like it anymore”. Their identity, which through faith seeks to be that of Christ, must be reflected in every circumstance, even in social networks.

The internet world favors an excess of internal and external stimuli, which must be guided. I read in the WhatsApp status of a priest: “Closed for spiritual maintenance”. Psychologically it is healthy to close oneself from time to time to internal and external stimuli that distract, in order to know oneself and listen to Christ. In this way one can follow him with autonomy and hope, and attain the self-esteem of one who knows he is loved by God.

Scientific studies on child abuse show that the major cause is a disordered and uncontrolled instinct. Those most prone to this type of crime are not those who renounce the use of sexuality, but those who put it into practice without restraint. There is the possibility of deploying sexuality in an egocentric and unregulated way.

The sexual instinct, not elevated by intelligence and virtue, can run wild in the face of all kinds of stimuli, whether single or married. The problem, therefore, is not celibacy, but celibacy badly lived: the lack of integration of sexuality or chastity.

Those who think that the solution to abuse is marriage reduce this noble reality to a remedy for perverse deviations. They are also unaware that the greatest proportion of abuse is committed by married people. Allowing priests to marry would not reduce transgressions, just as facilitating adultery would not calm the dramas of marital love. Tackling evil at its root requires a diverse view of sexuality. It requires that everyone, celibate and married, learn to live their personal vocation, and that the beauty of human sexuality be taught more deeply – also in seminaries.

It is significant that the greatest frequency of sexual abuse occurred in the late 1960s and early 1970s, coinciding with the sexual revolution. In the aftermath, we now have an extremely prevalent type of child abuse, through pornography.

Whether celibacy helps to be better or not is related to what I read at the entrance of an ancient temple: “What will you find here? It depends on what you have come for.” If the choice of celibacy is born of the desire to identify more fully with Christ, or if it is considered a form of love capable of filling the human heart and of impelling one to the service of others, then one finds Love with a capital letter. And this does make any person better. Life with this perspective enriches and fills with meaning.

One could opt for celibacy in order not to complicate one’s existence or not to risk the unpredictable danger of emotions. It could serve as a façade to cover up the selfishness of not wanting to give oneself to others or sacrifice oneself for them. Unlike a father or a mother, who are generally obliged to work to support their own, someone could opt for celibacy in order to shut himself up in the apparent freedom of doing nothing, and live comfortably…

Celibacy will only be positive for those who are capable of appreciating human love and the value of the family; and for those who do not use it for their own comfort, but to serve. The heart that decides for God and remains in love has a positive influence on everything, as the motor and light of intelligence and will. When, on the other hand, it ceases to love, it becomes cold and cloudy inside. A celibate person gladly addresses to God those verses of human love: “Three things I offer you (…), soul to conquer you, heart to love you and life to live it together with you”.

Chastity, like other virtues, is a force that helps to act well, organizing the instinctive impulses towards a healthy self-realization. It is not, and the Church has never understood it as such, the abstention from sexual pleasure. In this case, it refers to the impulse of sexuality.

With chastity, the difference between an irrational being, who is simply driven by desire, without having a plan or project in common with another, and the human being, who is able to regulate himself because he sees in others not only objects, but persons with equal dignity.

Uncontrolled sex easily leads to serious psychological problems, such as addiction. It is also a stimulating factor in crimes such as pornography – an identity theft that cannot be restored – trafficking in human beings held as slaves and the abuse of minors and vulnerable adults. It negatively affects the family and society in general, alternating economy with millionaire expenses in what Viktor Frankl called “the dance around the golden pig”.

Vocations come when one prays and educates in true love, by personal example. The desire to give oneself to God in imitation of Jesus Christ who, perfect God and perfect man, chose celibacy for himself, is still very present. I know of no one who criticizes celibacy on the grounds of the number of vocations.

The lives of millions of people today, of many religions, and the lives of hundreds of millions throughout history demonstrate that it is possible to live fully, with joyful and serene self-realization, abstinence from sexual activity. The premise is to understand that the human being is not just another animal that only seeks to satisfy its basic needs. The human person is capable of guiding his impulses by meaning and values.

See: El sacerdote, psicología de una vocación